Joke

A couple caught off guard by their child when the act of intercourse in the living room. The husband and wife were trying to explain to them that half the teenage children, that they were joking and playing doctor.

By relaxing the child's parents were advised, "If you want to play doctor, do not be in the living room, it later when people look in his being suspected of having a husband and wife ....!"

Fun Story : I am willing to do whatever you want

A sexy college student who threatened to fail the test came a young professor's office. He glanced briefly around it, closed the door, and immediately knelt in front of the professor as he pleaded.
"Mr. Lecturer, I am willing to do anything to pass the exam ....", He said, glancing flirtatiously.
Then the student approached the professor, shaked hair, looked into her eyes full of meaning. "If you still do not know what I mean ..." she whispered, "I am willing to do anything, whatever you want ..."
Young professors had met his gaze, "Anything?"
"Whatever!", Replied the student as soon as possible.
The sound was softened lecturer, "Anything?"
"Whatever ...."
Finally, Mr. lecturer whispered, "Will you ... ... ... learn?"

LET’S FUN WITH JOKES IN ENGLISH

1.       In the courtroom where I worked  as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness. He took the oath a few from my desk and I noticed his uprised arm was trembling, apparently from nerveousness. After he finished I could not resist saying softly, “sit down doctor,this won’t hurt a bit” J

2.     For the first time my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me a dental hygienist,clean teeth. She was accompanied by her grandmother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and as usual put on my gloves, googles, and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, “I want my mommy!” quickly pulled of my mask and said “I am your mommy” without saying, my daughter yelled back “then I want my granny”! J

1.       When I was 28, I was teaching English to high school freshman in a school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those day I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student come in and his eyes widened.”Wow!” he exclaimed. “ you should wear clothes like that every day, you look twenty, maybe even thirty youngers”! J

2.     It so rare area to be offered a meal on airlines these days that I was surprised to hear the flight attendant ask the man sitting in front of me, “would you like dinner?” what are my choices?” he responded,”yes or no” he said J

3.     when a woman I know turned 99 years old, I went to her birthday party and took some photos. A few days later, I brought the whole batch of prints to her so she could choose her favourites. “Good Lord” she said as she was flipping through them, “I look like I am hundred” J

4.     Recently a young woman came into my father’s insurance office with her new born twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart. She gave him a funny look before responding “No I have not had any problem, this Benjamin and this is Elizabeth.” J

5.     My boy friend and I met online, we’d been dating for over a year, I introduced hans to my uncle who was fascinated by and the fact that we met over internet. He asked hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, hans naively replied “I just used a

     regural 56K modem” J

6.     My 12 years old  daughter asked me “mum, do you have a baby picture of yourself?” I need it for a school project” I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later, I was in her classroom fo a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to  a mural the students had created. The title of their project was “The Oldest Thing in My House”J

7.     My husband was a navy chaptain deployed in the Persian gulft at the end of Desert Storm. I did everything possible to ensure that our three young  children wouldnot be worried about their father being in danger. It was not always easy, but I knew I’d succeded when someone at church asked our three year old where his dad was. My son replied “he is in Persia,golfing” J

Just a Joke

Dad : "But why did you drop your baby brother on the floor ?"
Daughter :"Well, the neighbour said he was a bonny bouncing baby, and I wanted to see if he really did bounce. :)

Funny Story : Small Blackmailer

A naughty little boy who saw her sister kissed by guys. The next day, he met the man.
"You kissed my sister last night is not it?"
"Yes, but not loudly. It's a thousand to shut up! "
"Thank you, this is the change of five hundred!"
"Why, why use all my change?"
"I do not want to naughty, Bang. All the people who kiss my sister also notes five hundred! "
"???!!!"

Jokes

A lot of boys and girls in modern countries are wearing the same kinds clothes, and many of them have long hair. So it is often difficult to tell whether they are boys or girls.
One day an old gentleman went for a walk in a park in Washington. When he was tired, he sat down on a bench. There was a young girl standing on the other side of the pond.
"My goodness!" the old man said to the person who was sitting next to him on the bench. "Do you see that the person with the loose pants and long hair? Is it a boy or a girl ?"
"A girl" said his neighbor. "She is my daughter".
"Oh!" the old gentleman said quickly. "Please forgive me, I did not know that you were her mother"
"I am not" said the person. "I am her father."
Taken From : Let's Talk for Junior High School, 2005

Fun story : Salim and Ms Young

The Salim ride busway, and sat beside young mothers beautiful and sexy.
Incidentally the young mother began to nurse her baby.
But when the young mother to nurse, the baby refused ..
The young mother said, "come on darling drunk, later mama love on the same mine" ...
Ten minutes later the baby still will not drink breast milk.
The young mother persuaded again "let dong dear mama drink milk ... later on the real love of a distinguished ..."
Tiba2 the Salem spoke to the young mother "Look ..please quickly take a decision .. I should have gone down in 4 stops before .. "

THE FUNNY STORY : “THE DONKEY AND HIS SHADOW”

A traveler hired donkey to carry him to a distant place. The day was intensenly hot and the sun was even hotter. The traveler stopped to rest and sought shelter from the heat under the shadow of the donkey. The owner who accompanied him, found no other shelter there and the donkeys’s shadow gave protection only for one.


Both the traveler and the owner of the donkey claimed owning the animal’s shadow and argued violently as to which of them had the right to the shadow. The owner claimed that he had let out the donkey only and not his shadow. The traveler asserted that along with hiring the donkey he had hired his shadow too. When they quarreled the donkey galloped it.

Funny Story : Aids or cancer pain?

A cancer patient in the tell by his doctor that his life was no longer only about 2 weeks. Hearing news unpleasant heart, he tells his son to soon hold a big farewell party.

Amid his friends he states: "Sorry guys, I gather You to know that I would soon leave You, AIDS has undermined the body I have."

Her son in surprise asking: "Daddy, why my father lied on the cause of death of my father?"

His father replied: "Shhh, I did not want one of them will sleep with your mother after I die pretty soon!"

The Funny Story : "Mapmaker"

Q : " What do you ge when you cross a cowboy with  a mapmaker ?
A : " A cow- Towgrapher"
Q : What did the mapmaker send his sweet heart on Valentines days?
A : A dozen compass roses.
Q : What kind of maps do spiders make ?
A : Web-based maps.

Fun Story : The Always Open Door

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, two young men visited RT from door to door collecting funds for humanitarian assistance. When they knocked on one door, and saw that the woman who opened the door was not happy to see them.

The woman told them emphatically that he did not want to help anything, and before they could say anything more, she slammed the door in front of them. Surprisingly, the door does not close, even re-open. She tried again, really pushed the door, and slammed again with the same result, the door opened again.

She was convinced that young people had jammed the door with their feet, and this time he amassed huge power to slam the door with very strong. At that time, one of them said quietly,
"Ma'am, before you do it again, you should move your cat first."...

THE FUNNY STORY : “A YOUNG BOY AND A LADY”

A young boy was playing with a ball in the street. He kicked it too hard, and it broke the window with the ball and shouted at the young boy, so he ran away, but he still wanted his back ball back . A few minutes later he returned and knocked at the door of the house. When the lady answered it, he said “my father’s going to come and fix your window very soon” After a few minutes a man came to the door with tools in his hand, so the lady let the boy take his ball away.

When the man finished fixing the window, he said to the lady “That will cost you exactly ten dollars”

“But are not you the father of that young boy?” the woman asked, looking surprised. “No” he answered, equally surprised. “are not you his mother?”

The Funny Story : "Small Plane and The Economicts"

Three leading economics took a small plane to the wilderness in nothern Canada to hunt a moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was " Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back "
But of course, they killed one each and some sunday, they talked the pilot into letting them bring all three dead moose on board. So just after take of the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the economicts wake up, looked around and said " Where the hell are we ?" " Oh just about a hundred yards east of the place there were chrashed last year.

Funny Story : It Is Very Simple Questions

A famous philosopher highly respected by his driver who always follow his boss to listen to any lectures on morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to swap roles in the next lecture, the philosopher becomes a driver, and the driver who will become college professors and filling. The philosopher agree.

Course material extremely well sung by the driver. When it came time for questions from participants, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"

"That is a very simple question," replied the driver (who was disguised as a lecturer), "Too simple, even my driver could answer that question, and that's what he would do."

Fun Story : Does your wife's name Wendy?

There was a husband who loved his wife named Wendy, so he decided to tattoo 'yours' with the name of his wife Wendy. If 'yours' the man is not erect then you see only the 'W' and 'Y' only. One time the man was peeing in a toilet.
Beside him stood a black African man big higher. At first glance the man to see 'yours' of the African ... well ... W and Y are visible. Maybe he has a wife with the same name. The man asked the African man if they might have the same wife's name. African man replied "Oh, no,-so I read, 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice Day'"

The Funny Story : " Strong Reason"

In the police satation, a man who stole a goat was being introgated.
Policeman : You stole the goat, did not you ?
Thief : " No, I did not !"
Policeman : Don't tell me a lie
Thief : " Well, the fact that is that just wanted to take the rope tied arounds its neck, but the goat refused to stop following them.

Jokes

Harry was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours . Rudi interruptted the story saying "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You are lucky if it even weighed 10 pound" Harry replied,
"Well....... a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting". :)

Fun Story : Then Why With your right eye?

Salim came to office with two black eyes. Suddenly her friends asked what had happened to him.
"The story here .. Yesterday I queued behind a tall woman big. I see the skirt she was sandwiched between parts of the buttocks. Then I pull to make it look neat. Uh, he just turned around and punched my left eye. "
"Then why did with your right eye?" asked his friends
"I think he does not like if the skirt is removed, so I enter her skirt again ... ... ..."...

Let's Have Fun

My  husband owned his own business. He worked very hard. I was afraid that he would get sick. So I tried to get him to take a holiday. I succeeded to persuade him to do this. But I was afraid he could not enjoy the vacation.
Before we left, I said to the secretary. "My husband needs a vacation. Whatever happens, don't bother him with business problems. Just wait till we get back."
After we had been away about a week, my husband received a letter from the secretary. It said " Something terrible has happened  to your business. I am not going to bother you with it now. You're enjoying your vacation, aren't you ?
(Taken From : Let's Talk for Junior High School, 2005)

The Funny Story : " Barman's an His Wife "

A man and his wife had a small bar near a station. the bar often stayed until after midnight, because people came to drink there whike they were waiting for the trains.
At two o'clocks one morning one man was still sitting at a table in a small bar. he was sleep. the Barman's and his wife wanted to go to bed.she looked into the bar several times and each time the man was still here.then at
last she went to her husband and said to him " you have woken that man six times now, George, but he is not drinking anything. why havenot you sent him away ." it 's very late.
Oh no, I don't want to send him away ' answered her husband with a smile. " You see, whenever I wake him up, he asks for his bill, and when I bring it to him, he pays it. then he goes to sleep again."